I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
