also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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