they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
