I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
