The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
