I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
