And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize