Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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