I accidentally burped into my bong.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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