Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
