like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
soo... how was my night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
