Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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