Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
