O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
