when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
