He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
