it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
