His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
