you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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