i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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