hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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