Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
