At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
