I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
