this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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