Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
