Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize