In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize