I heard we made out
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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