I want to have your abortion
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
