Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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