remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
