Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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