i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
