I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
