My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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