is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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