Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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