I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
