woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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