I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
