i don't like sucking hair
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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