it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
