Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
