I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
