Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
