I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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