I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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