So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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