he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
