she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
