I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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