i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I take back everything I said about communal showers
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The uberlube is also flammable
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
