2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
