I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize