Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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