he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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