Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
