I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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