True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize