time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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