you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
