My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
