I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
