I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
