even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
